Here’s an updated pass to the Writing Home dialogue clip I initially did for the 11 Second Club. This doesn’t show the first part of the shot, because I’m working on updating that section too. To see the original check it out here.
Most of the changes are in the middle part of the clip, instead of looking up he looks at the plane (being that he’s a mechanic and loves planes) and he glances at her picture a couple of times while writing. Still a lot more work to be done, but wanted to get an idea if the updated sections read okay before moving to polishing it all up. Feel free to leave any feedback! 
Hey!!! I like it!! The only thing is that I didn’t catch that he was looking at the plane til I read your blurb – on the same note, I still thought it all looked good, despite not realizing that he was looking at the plane….. but if you want that to come across better, maybe looking up (like you had before) will work better for his thought process?
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